The beer test

Unfortunately, most voters don’t take the trouble really to study the issues before chosing a presidential candidate. They decide based on their impression of the personality of the individual. Some say that the best way to gauge that would be to invite the person out for a beer.

Let’s see how this would work.

First Barack Obama. When it comes time to order at the bar he insists on having a glass of white wine. As a compromise he will accept a California vintage instead of the French one he actually prefers. When the glass arrives, he take only a tiny sip--that’s all. No way with this dude!

Hillary will be glad to accept the beer. This Bud’s for her! She takes a big gulp, and even orders a bourbon chaser. Yet after three hours the fluids remain largely untouched. Not because she doesn’t care for them, but because she has been talking nonstop about her policy solutions for America. She performs better than her suave opponent--but maybe not good enough.

Then there’s John McCain. He says he’s a teetotaler, and will drink only bottled water. But at the bar he learns that they carry his wife's label. He relents and has a beer after all. In fact he has several. As the effect of the alcohol increases, he flies into a rage and starts wrecking the bar. “This kind of thing may go on for a hundred years,” he cries. His aides arrive just in time, and mollify the bar’s owner with a hefty wad of hush money.

Way to go, John!